I’ve been busy, so I will keep this as brief as possible.
Because of the shit parade instigated by the little clique of haters who’ve been stalking, flaming, libeling, and harassing me over the Internet, I lost a friend I dared hope would become more than just a friend. She didn’t want the drama. I understand her feelings, and I don’t blame her for not wanting to get involved, but it still hurts.
I started a job last week at the Subway franchise from Hell. The pay is a joke, the training is practically non-existent, and the neighborhood is a ghetto, but I’m in no position to be selective about what job I work. I feel as though I’ll be trapped working dead-end, poverty-wage jobs like this the rest of what passes for my life. Certain people are just fine with seeing me stuck in this pit forever, and for the life of me I can’t understand why.
Am I doomed to this existence? Did I spend six years trying to get my degree, hoping against hope that it would all lead to something better, only for it all to be in vain?
It certainly looks that way. I’ve little to no hope of raising the money to make the move to California so I can get my Master’s in Film Production, not unless enough people are kind enough to donate toward my fund-raising goal, and I’ve had lousy luck on that front. I have no transportation, so I really can’t get out to where most of the local film crew gigs are, and therefore I can’t build up my real-world experience or make the necessary social contacts.
And the worst part is that it seems like that small group of haters will hound me forever, sabotaging my relationships with other people, sabotaging any and all efforts I make to try and climb out of this bottomless pit I’m in, and all for what amounts to standing up to their endless, incessant bullying. It’s insane. It’s like I have almost no power or control over my own life, like I’m being punished for life for just trying to be myself and live my own life independently of users and abusers.
So am I doomed? I’ve had to learn to abandon hope as a cheat, but every time it looks like things might finally be looking up, every time things seem to finally be getting better, something or someone comes along to remind me that I “don’t know my place” and that I’m not allowed to have a life, or any real friends, or a family, or a permanent home of my own, or any chance at happiness. I let my urge to hope take over and every time my heart and my hopes end up shattered into a million jagged pieces.
I’m sure the merry little band of haters will read this and start in on me again, more vicious than ever. That’s okay, because, you see, I’m not going to give up and stop trying. I refuse to continue being beaten down, and I’m not going to let go of my life goals and aspirations just because certain people whose own lives are such empty failures that they can’t let their favorite whipping boy have a shot at happiness and success, actually succeed. So yes, I’ll work at Subway or whatever other fast food job hires me, so I can survive and pay my bills. But I’m going to keep trying to make my dreams a reality, and nothing anyone does is going to stop me from accomplishing what I want to do in life.
And I’m not at all sorry to disappoint you people, because in the end your opinions of me don’t matter. What matters to me are the people whose lives have touched mine in positive ways, and who’ve enriched my understanding of the world in ways none of you can possibly fathom because you’ve chosen to limit yourselves to only your own selfish wants.
Maybe I am doomed. But I’ll be damned if it’s for lack of trying.
Musings On My Life 
Congrats on the job. I’m glad you’re doing what you have to do to make it. As for the rest of it, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop acting like there’s a clique trying to ruin you. It’s nonsense and you know it. I don’t know what happened to you and your friend, but it had nothing to do with me or anyone else. Maybe she saw what I saw and decided to split. You can’t blame me when other people reject you. As for your big fancy pipe dream, you’re not entitled to a free ride of schooling all your life. It costs money. Haven’t you drained taxpayers enough? As for your degree, you have to understand that not all college diplomas are equal. It doesn’t guarantee you a damn thing in this world. You received a degree in something that you just had to know was risky because there’s not a huge market for it. For that, you have to take the consequences. If you accept them, then my hat is off to you, but don’t you dare blame anyone or anything for your short comings. I also think you’re an ingrate for bashing a company that decided to give you a chance. Never look a gift horse in the mouth. Just remember, if you’re doomed, you did it to yourself. If you can’t get that through your head, then you will never learn and you’ll keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
I feel sorry for you, you know. You sit at your computer taking shots at me, blaming me for the things you do to me, as though you and your friends didn’t take it upon yourselves to send nasty messages to my friend, post on my other blog pretending to be her, and lie to her about me, all so you people can pursue your little vendetta. You have no life of your own but to try and make mine miserable. You lecture me about my life while knowing nothing about it, having never even asked, and last time I looked, you weren’t exactly Mr. Stability or Mr. Success yourself, if the crud you post here is any indication. But you expect me to listen to anything you say. Why should I, really? Why should anyone?
Sooner or later, you’re going to end up facing the reality that your little flame war was all for nothing, that you wasted your time and energy. I’m pursuing my life’s goals. You obviously don’t like that. I don’t really understand why, and frankly, I don’t care. Have you ever seen the movie Little Miss Sunshine? Alan Arkin had the best lines in that one, and one of them was this:
I’d rather try to be who and what I want to be and fail at it, than never try at all, especially just to please people who hate my guts and are cheering for me to fail at doing what I need to do with my life, like you, like my younger brother, like my ex-friend. Seriously, who died and made you people the arbiters of what I should do with my life? Who told you to flame me online and target my friends? No one. Those were things you chose to do. And you know, Karma’s one hell of a bitch when she’s pissed off. Sooner or later people are going to start wondering why you’re so obsessed with me and why you feel the need to follow my every post and denigrate me, and they’re going to realize who the real losers and psychopaths are. Most people, when they see something they don’t like, ignore it and walk away. But you’ll keep at it and keep at it, long past the time anyone really remembers what your initial gripe even was to begin with.
How about you take your own advice and get a life already?
All I know is that I don’t have a “GO FUND ME” account, asking people for money over and over again. All I know is that I am independent. All I know is that I have a job, I have my own place, and I don’t whine or blame other people or things when I do fail. As for your little quote, you tried and you failed so you can spare me the Disney feel-good rubbish. I have a right to express my opinion of you and about you. Stop acting like it’s an illegal activity. BTW, I’m glad your friend is available now. Think she’ll go out with me?
Riiiight…so you really have no reason to be doing what you’re doing except you’re just a jerk. Well, your opinion, such as it is, is irrelevant to me. As for my friend, I doubt she’ll have anything to do with you. She’s not into psychos.
I thought she wasn’t your friend anymore. My reasons are the same as anyone else you piss and moan about. What makes you so special?
So? I’m not allowed to still care about her or what happens to her?
So you’re just another psychotic asshole with stalker tendencies. Get in line, bitch. There are other fuck-ups ahead of you, and you’re the low boy on the totem pole.
You tell me. You’re the one who’s so obsessed with me.
Dude, get over yourself. I’m not obsessed with you. I don’t spend all my time thinking about you. I just comment and am at awe of your lunacy. I’m even blogging about it.
Suuuure you’re not. That’s why you follow my blogs and Facebook posts almost religiously and keep posting about me on your blog, because you’re not obsessed.
There’s a word for people like you: Crazy.
Umm…fact: You’ve posted more things about me than I have about you. Go make me a sandwich! I heard you like handling other people’s footlongs.
You said you blog about me. That implies action on your part.
I’ve just started the blog.
Well, good luck finding readers beyond your little circle jerk of psycho-friends, child.
Not really looking for readers, but the people in my film group find it entertaining. Unlike you, people actually respect me. Maybe it’s because I can afford a place to stay, I have a car, I have my own money, girls actually want to date me, I don’t beg people for money like a bum, and all that wonderful stuff. BE JEALOUS!
Why would I be jealous of some pathetic wanna-be bully who’s not even man enough to face me, that he has to resort to flaming me online?
This coming from a dude who can’t defend himself against his own mom and fears for his life? Bitch, please!
I’m not stupid enough to hit a seventy-year-old, even if she is a dangerous lunatic.
Dude, who said anything about hitting her? That’s your go to argument? You say you’re not stupid enough to hit her, yet you wrote you hid a weapon under the bed because you feared for your life. So you’ll hit her with a mace, but not your fists? It’s kind of sad that a grown adult is afraid that his seventy year old mother is going to kick his ass or kill him. Do you have any idea how much of a bitch that makes you? Your brother doesn’t seem afraid of her. He isn’t hiding any weapons or calling the cops on her. No one is saying she’s perfect, but the cops schooled you hardcore. I’m glad the officers were there to protect her from you.
Well, you’re the one who mentioned defending myself. Way to take what I wrote out of context. I forgot about it. The feared attack never came. You’re defending a raving psychopath who pulled a knife on my half-brother and who nearly killed me with a couple of two heavy wooden dresser drawers. Cleveland cops are lazy, whiny bitches themselves who make the rest of the police force look bad with their bullshit. They have no interests in doing their jobs, only collecting paychecks at our expense. As for protection, I’m the one who needs protecting from you assholes.
So consider this my official warning: you are no longer to post on my blog or send me any messages, or follow me or my activities. Refusal to comply will result in my taking out a restraining order against you.
Hahaha! Okay.
Laugh it up, liar-boy. We’ll see who’s laughing when you get slapped with the restraining order.
Umm. This is the internet. You have a public blog. You don’t have any authority to tell me I can’t read or post a comment because you don’t like what I’m saying. There were no threats of violence, I have not physically followed you or stalked you nor do I care to. You are a drama queen and your history of acting like one is well documented. If you do not want me to post, there are settings on your blog that will prevent me from doing so.
Oh I’ll be marking your comments as spam from now on, but really, I shouldn’t have to. No one told you to flame me or post comments, and no one is forcing you to keep doing it. That’s your decision, not mine. I’m writing about the things that happen to me. If you don’t like it, no one is holding a gun to your head to read.