The Price of Dreams


I’m going back to Ohio tomorrow. Just for the weekend.

Honestly, I’ve been counting down until this day for the last five weeks now.

I just need to see my family. See how my mom is doing. For those who may be new to the blog, she had a stroke about ten months ago, and only in the last two months have I moved back to my life in NYC after spending 8 months at home in Ohio, being her sidekick in her recovery.

Since coming back, I’ve never really been so aware of how time alters things. My friend group has completely changed, with people going off in all different directions. People have coupled off, moved to different boroughs of NYC, found other friends…eight months is a long time. A lot of life can happen.

And I’m going to be really honest…I’ve spent many nights falling asleep, asking myself…

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My Rescue Cat Will Die Without YOUR HELP! 

Breaking Up Is Hard To Endure

Okay, it’s been a while since I posted but I thought I’d give a couple of updates as to what’s going on in my life so you, dear readers, don’t think I’ve dropped off the face of the earth.

First, in August one of my teeth broke apart and I had to schedule an appointment with the dentist. It’s not salvageable, so I’ve begun the process of getting a dental implant. My Medicaid provider doesn’t cover it, so I’ll have to pay for it out of pocket, but my job may reimburse me under its medical plan. In the meantime, I’ve gotten my other cavities filled, all covered by Medicaid, so thank God for that. I have an appointment later this month to start the implant process. This past Sunday the tooth broke up even more leaving a stump behind along with a disconcerting feeling—not pain; the nerve endings and blood vessels are pretty much dead. No, something else I can’t describe in words because I have no context in which to put it. But I refuse to go to my grave missing teeth, dammit. It’s not happening.

The owner of the house in which I’m renting a room is selling the property and I have to be out by the end of the month. I was told this would happen when I first moved in, so it’s not a surprise. But rents even on rooms have gone up and it’s tough trying to find anything within my affordability. But I have to find something, because if I end up at the homeless shelter I’ll never be able to get out of it. No one will hire me for a job that pays worth a damn if I’m homeless. So the search continues.

My Americorps assignment is going well. I’m putting together a database of resources for prisoners re-entering society, helping with the accreditation process to ensure the host organization is maintaining what it needs to do to secure accreditation, and going over grant applications to make sure they pass muster. Fulfilling work, all in all, even though the pay is shit (Americorps’s stipend doesn’t really cover the basics). I’m going to see if the organization will hire me for a permanent position once my term of service is up. A lot of the staff here are former VISTAs, so the chances are good that if I do my job well enough, they may keep me.

Aside from those,there’s not much else to report. Yesterday after work my fellow VISTAs and I were invited to take a tour of the minimum security prison where our program participants reside. The compound has a puppy program that allows prisoners to interact with puppies and young dogs as part of their therapeutic process. I got to hold one very beautiful pup, and it made me miss having a dog. If only I could afford to care for one…

Oh well. Maybe someday. That’s about it for now. Thanks for reading!

I’m here

Two Rooms Plus Utilities

I thought that I should add a quick post just to reassure those who kindly worry about me when I disappear unannounced, that I am still alive and as well as possible. The last few weeks have been none stop and totally exhausting. Every time that I have dared to think that we are heading towards the possibility of normality, yet another workman or disaster has entered our lives. What I dared to think what going to be a ten-day whirlwind flying through our home, still hasn’t left.

Before I embarked on our grand plan of restoring and updating our home, I thought that I had every little detail planned. I just hadn’t planned for just how stressful the whole thing was going to be. Honestly, I would far rather move house twice over, than go through the last two weeks again. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that it…

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I cannot believe that I’m about to say this, but…



Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones


Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that the scared, sick, hopeless little girl at inpatient would tell her story one day. But here were are folks. Ten years, one irresponsibly honest blog, and 30,000 followers later. I’m sharing my story.

But this book is not just your normal, cover to cover book. It’s interactive. We’re embarking on the blooming process together: you and me.


And the best way for me to explain, is to just share the preview:

Bloom: A Journal by BeautyBeyondBones takes the reader on a motivating and inspiring journey inside the mind of a young woman trapped in the cycle of anorexia, and through the raw and often painful journey to new life.

Designed as an interactive, three-month daily journal with room to…

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Counting the cost

Two Rooms Plus Utilities

I have been having the strangest feelings lately. I keep looking around our home and all I feel is a sense of sorrow, I feel like I am seeing my home for the last time. I know that is silly, but almost every room was decorated by me, my choice of colours and mainly my handiwork. In just a few days someone will be here hiding it under a fresh coat of paint and what “I” did, will be gone. Yes, they will be painting on the colours that I have chosen and they have promised, to protect the three-inch border that I hand painted around our bedroom, and not to touch the paintwork in the living room that I spent so long making look as though it was painted 100yrs ago, and no-one has touched since. But it’s still not going to be the home that I put together…

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